Response #9, comments on Tristan Lebrun’s second draft

I enjoy how you tell the story of what happened to your Tupperware: you make the reader get a sense of how annoyed and frustrated you were that it wasn’t where it should have been. Also, the adjectives you use really get your point across throughout. I can also easily follow where you’re going with everything that you say. I understood that the main idea was: it’s okay to react aggressively to someone who does something wrong. One theme I get from this is that all humans can’t help judging others, no matter the circumstances. Another theme I get from this is that people struggle to relate to others.

Some things you can improve is that you have some little phrasing errors here and there. Also, it is not clear how the situation changed you; you seemed to be the same person even after knowing the reasoning behind your reaction to Joe. (I’m not sure if that’s the point) Also, I would have interviewed an aggressive person and a shy person and asked them what they would have done in your shoes.

My favorite part of this article is how you address the Tupperware as your child and you the parent. (Clever idea) I also enjoy how your personality is represented through your writing. I get a good sense what kind of person you are.

 

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