Lab #10

PART 1

The team we were playing was first and were mainly Mexican kids. The massacre started and couldn’t be stopped. We were all in the wrong positions and were not prepared. We were down 10-0 by the half. The second half went down the same road. After every goal, I would kick the ball back to the start and look up at the empty stands. Our parents could barely watch. I remember thinking what am I doing here? This is embarrassing. I need this to be over, this margin is too great. Why do we even play for this team if we suck so much? This process was exhausting. It went up to 21-0. We then went to shake hands. Everything was civil until one of the players from the other team called one of my players a “faggot and a pussy.” That wasn’t a good idea.

We were playing the best team and they massacred us. Why do we even play for this team if we suck so much? It went up to 21-0. We then went to shake hands. Everything was civil until one of the players from the other team called one of my players a “faggot and a pussy.” That wasn’t a good idea.

PART 2

In conclusion, sports are extremely important in young people’s lives. It allows them to relieve negative feelings and it is a family away from home. It is also the first time where someone is in complete control. After a large number of years with that team, I switched to another team because of my living conditions and because a lot of the players had left. My new team faced off against that team and we were winning by a lot. After one goal, I remember picking up the goalie from my old team who looked completely discouraged, and I gave him a pat on the back.

Towards the end, I changed: I wasn’t the guy on the bench watching anymore. When there was a fight on the field or a loose ball, I was there, fighting for it. I was the guy that would tell my coach not to worry (he always was) and the guy to encourage the newcomers. I became them.

PART 3

  1. I crawled out of bed and grabbed my bags.
  2. Another stupid Saturday morning, wasting it playing soccer with a bunch of losers.
  3. Shit! I checked my schedule: another game at 6:30 AM Saturday morning.
  4. I got on the field and before the whistle was blown, I knew how this was going to play out.
  5. Here  we go, another staurday morning in the garbage.

PART 4

 

Response #9, comments on Tristan Lebrun’s second draft

I enjoy how you tell the story of what happened to your Tupperware: you make the reader get a sense of how annoyed and frustrated you were that it wasn’t where it should have been. Also, the adjectives you use really get your point across throughout. I can also easily follow where you’re going with everything that you say. I understood that the main idea was: it’s okay to react aggressively to someone who does something wrong. One theme I get from this is that all humans can’t help judging others, no matter the circumstances. Another theme I get from this is that people struggle to relate to others.

Some things you can improve is that you have some little phrasing errors here and there. Also, it is not clear how the situation changed you; you seemed to be the same person even after knowing the reasoning behind your reaction to Joe. (I’m not sure if that’s the point) Also, I would have interviewed an aggressive person and a shy person and asked them what they would have done in your shoes.

My favorite part of this article is how you address the Tupperware as your child and you the parent. (Clever idea) I also enjoy how your personality is represented through your writing. I get a good sense what kind of person you are.

 

Lab #9

Part 1

1)

I am writing this article for young men or women interested in sports in any way. I say young because that is when most people are fit to play sports but it can also apply to older people with the same interests. The social classes are not specific to my target audience because sports can affect the poorest an the richest people in the world.

 

2)

I am writing this article to demonstrate the importance of fighting for something in people’s lives. It should show people that fighting for something, if that something means a lot to them, can help them through  problems going on in their lives.

 

PART 2

Exposition: The day my team started a fight

Complication: Why were they fighting against the other team? (The importance of fighting)

Rising Action

They need to fight because

  1. It made them forget about their problems during the week
  2. They were in control of the outcome of something for the first time in their lives
  3. The team was a family away from home and they all meant a lot to each other

Climax:

When I changed soccer team, I picked up one of my friends from the other team. (My old team)

Denouement:

How it changed me: I became like everyone on the team. Sports became very different for me from then on.

Part 3

The main event I can focus on is the first event I’m going to write about because it contains the main theme I want to express in my article.

 

 

Lab #8

PART 1

  1. Why did the players on my team fight against the other team and pass the ball around?
  • Why am I at a soccer field at 6:30 AM on a Saturday when I could be at home watching cartoons or sleeping?
  • Why did they start a fight against the other team knowing that they were going to surely be severely punished for it?
  • Why were some of my team mates still kicking the ball around after we lost by that much?
  • (These questions should come up in the opening scene)
  • The reason for the occurrence of these events is because they needed to fight:
  • (Explain that playing soccer and fighting is the same thing using research and interview)
  • The reasons they needed to fight:
  1. It was a way to forget the troubles of our lives
  2. To have another family or a sense of “togetherness”
  3. A way to be in charge of the outcome of something for the first time
  • After these three paragraphs, explain what happened personally after all this happened and how it affected me (what soccer/sports is to me now)

PART 2

  1. First big opening scene: Me going to play soccer really early on Saturday morning
  1. Ending scene: Me picking up my friend who got scored on when I switched team
  2. Small scenes throughout:
  1. When I went to the champion’s league game (63 000 people)
  2. Team I coached who started losing every game 12-0 and then started to win

PART 3

(Written in Part 2)

PART 4